{"id":196,"date":"2017-12-08T14:15:29","date_gmt":"2017-12-08T19:15:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pbdev.ca\/ocp\/?page_id=196"},"modified":"2020-05-11T17:38:54","modified_gmt":"2020-05-11T21:38:54","slug":"topic-18-how-to-be-present-with-a-dying-person","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/topic-18-how-to-be-present-with-a-dying-person\/","title":{"rendered":"Topic 18: How to Be Present with a Dying Person"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"pl-196\"  class=\"panel-layout\" >\n<div id=\"pg-196-0\"  class=\"panel-grid panel-no-style\"  data-style=\"{&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;,&quot;cell_alignment&quot;:&quot;flex-start&quot;}\"  data-ratio=\"1\"  data-ratio-direction=\"right\" >\n<div id=\"pgc-196-0-0\"  class=\"panel-grid-cell\"  data-weight=\"1\" >\n<div id=\"panel-196-0-0-0\" class=\"so-panel widget widget_sow-editor panel-first-child\" data-index=\"0\" data-style=\"{&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;}\" >\n<div class=\"so-widget-sow-editor so-widget-sow-editor-base\">\n<div class=\"siteorigin-widget-tinymce textwidget\">\n<div class=\"ocp-green-heading\">Topic: 18<\/div>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: left;\"><span style=\"color: #5ca14d;\">How to Be Present with a Dying Person<\/span><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"panel-196-0-0-1\" class=\"so-panel widget widget_sow-editor\" data-index=\"1\" data-style=\"{&quot;background_image_attachment&quot;:false,&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;}\" >\n<div class=\"so-widget-sow-editor so-widget-sow-editor-base\">\n<div class=\"siteorigin-widget-tinymce textwidget\">\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-140\" src=\"http:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/Adobe_PDF_file_icon_32x32.png\" alt=\"PDF\" width=\"32\" height=\"32\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/18-How-to-Be-Present-with-a-Dying-Person.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Download a PDF version of this topic<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Use the player to hear an audio version of this topic\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-196-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Topic-18.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Topic-18.mp3\">http:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Topic-18.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"panel-196-0-0-2\" class=\"so-panel widget widget_sow-editor panel-last-child\" data-index=\"2\" data-style=\"{&quot;background_image_attachment&quot;:false,&quot;background_display&quot;:&quot;tile&quot;}\" >\n<div class=\"so-widget-sow-editor so-widget-sow-editor-base\">\n<div class=\"siteorigin-widget-tinymce textwidget\">\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-1539 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/t-18.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"852\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/t-18.jpg 852w, https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/t-18-300x197.jpg 300w, https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/t-18-768x504.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 852px) 100vw, 852px\" \/><\/p>\n<div class=\"ocp-blue-heading\">What You Need to Know<\/div>\n<p>As people move along the trajectory of a life-limiting illness, they are likely to experience a range of emotions and they may need help in coping with their anxiety, fear and search for meaning.<\/p>\n<p>People\u2019s emotional and psychological needs are likely to be greater during the transition times:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>When a disease is first diagnosed<\/li>\n<li>When a disease in remission reoccurs<\/li>\n<li>When a disease progresses<\/li>\n<li>When a person can no longer do things they once did<\/li>\n<li>When a person is nearing end of life and is becoming weaker and more frail<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>You can provide the greatest support by being \u201cpresent\u201d.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Be with the person physically and emotionally.<\/li>\n<li>Listen to their reactions and feelings and concerns in a non-judgmental way.<\/li>\n<li>Sit down so you are at eye level.<\/li>\n<li>Say the person\u2019s name; hearing your own name is very grounding.<\/li>\n<li>Offer uninterrupted time for unhurried conversation.<\/li>\n<li>Be yourself. Be ordinary.<\/li>\n<li>Observe mood and behavior. Do not pit your anger against their peace or vice versa. If the person feels exuberant or joyful, feel exuberant or joyful yourself. Shed tears together. Laugh together.<\/li>\n<li>Make eye contact and physical contact: follow the person\u2019s lead.<\/li>\n<li>Be specific about how you can help and what is going to happen. Don\u2019t avoid talking about death.<\/li>\n<li>Be respectful; support a person\u2019s dignity and sense of control.<\/li>\n<li>Think about how you and the person communicated before the illness, what worked and what may need help.<\/li>\n<li>Pay attention to what is being said, the tone of voice, the body language as well as the words themselves.<\/li>\n<li>Try different openings for conversation. \u201cTell me about\u2026\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Be attentive. Don\u2019t let your mind wander. Stay \u201cin the moment\u201d.<\/li>\n<li>Do not let illness put a ban on laughter or smiles.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div class=\"ocp-green-element\">\n<div class=\"ocp-green-element-side\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"ocp-green-element-content\"><strong>What I have learned from my experiences with the dying person is that the most important aspect of the vigil is that I am there with them and present in the moment. <\/strong>(Frances Weld Peabody)<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-1133\" src=\"http:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/walk-shoes-1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"852\" height=\"53\" srcset=\"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/walk-shoes-1.png 852w, https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/walk-shoes-1-300x19.png 300w, https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/walk-shoes-1-768x48.png 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 852px) 100vw, 852px\" \/><\/p>\n<h5>1. Read this scenario.<\/h5>\n<p>Elaine has been Ron\u2019s caregiver for the last three years. Here is what she did in Ron\u2019s final days of life.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Even if Ron was not awake, alert or oriented,\u00a0I still talked to him as if he was listening. I once heard that hearing was the last sense to leave a person, so even if he didn\u2019t respond, I still told him stories of times we shared, of family members and friends. I just talked as if he were always hearing me; I think he was.<\/li>\n<li>I made sure there were lots of pictures of family and friends in Ron\u2019s room at his eye level so whenever he opened his eyes he could see his grandkids\u2019 faces smiling back at him.<\/li>\n<li>Ron was always a Johnny Cash fan, so I would put Johnny\u2019s music on and have it playing in his room.<\/li>\n<li>I wanted to ease his suffering if I could so I would place a cool washcloth on his forehead, stroke his hair, and touch his hand. I would watch his face and if he grimaced or startled at all or frowned even a little, I would know I was touching too hard.<\/li>\n<li>When Ron was conscious and felt like talking, I listened. I didn\u2019t interrupt even when I had lots to say about what he was talking about. Sometimes we just shared the silence together.<\/li>\n<li>I told him I loved him a lot. I think he knew. I wanted each conversation to include those words just in case it was our last.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h5>2. Do you think that what Elaine did was remarkable? Why or why not? Write down your thoughts.<\/h5>\n<h5>3. Are the things that Elaine did for Ron things you could manage too? Why or why not? Write down your thoughts.<\/h5>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div class=\"ocp-green-element\">\n<div class=\"ocp-green-element-side\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"ocp-green-element-content\"><strong>The situation asked for grace, patience, and charity, so something I actually benefited from was to see I had a fairly deep capacity for those things that hadn\u2019t been called on in the same way before. Someone dying is a great prioritizer. What does something like the resentment you were holding onto matter now?<\/strong> (Lisa Funderberg, <em>Pig Candy: Taking My Father South, Taking My Father Home<\/em>)<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-1207\" src=\"http:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/add-resources.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"400\" height=\"63\" srcset=\"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/add-resources.png 400w, https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/add-resources-300x47.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/p>\n<h4><span style=\"color: #5ca14d;\">Use these additional resources to learn more about the topic of being present with a dying person.<\/span><\/h4>\n<p><strong>Canadian Virtual Hospice: Tips for Talking with Someone Who is Dying <\/strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.virtualhospice.ca\/en_US\/Main+Site+Navigation\/Home\/Topics\/Topics\/Communication\/Tips+for+Talking+with+Someone+Who+is+Dying.aspx\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">http:\/\/www.virtualhospice.ca\/en_US\/Main+Site+Navigation\/Home\/Topics\/Topics\/Communication\/Tips+for+Talking+with+Someone+Who+is+Dying.aspx<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Comforting Your Loved One When They Are Dying\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Comforting Your Loved One When They are Dying\" width=\"720\" height=\"405\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/_2rx1DFpN4U?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Topic: 18 How to Be Present with a Dying Person Download a PDF version of this topic Use the player to hear an audio version of this topic\u2026 What You Need to Know As people move along the trajectory of a life-limiting illness, they are likely to experience a range of emotions and they may [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-196","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry","post"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/196","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=196"}],"version-history":[{"count":28,"href":"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/196\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2578,"href":"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/196\/revisions\/2578"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/caregiversupport.hpco.ca\/ocp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=196"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}